Hey, I hope this letter finds you in perfect health. A bit of flu can be excused seeing that we are in the cold season. Ebola and tuberculosis are a must check at the gate for all those entering the premises.
When closed for a break last semester I had promised to take you through a writing class. That wasn’t possible but now that we have resumed, lessons commence on 14th September this month.
You are required to avail yourselves and bring the following materials
- Your own grouping partner in case I assign some group work.
- A translator
I will have to apologize in advance for my Kikuyu accent. I tend to say L when I mean R and R when I mean L.
My colleagues have pointed out top 5 words that are hazardous to my tongue. Those words are; famiry, imediatery, Plesident Uhulu Kenyatta, Engrish Ranguage.
This will be the opening speech, “Wercome Radies and Gentromen. We ale all wliters here so don’t fear each other. By the way, some of you here have paid for this class in installments; I have electricity bills, water bills, housing bills, and taxes to pay but am not complaining so take your sweet time. But if I were to complain, I would have said shame on you installment payers
- Carry your own packed food
- Bring a geometrical set and a ruler in case we need to estimate if your dream is going anywhere.
- An eraser.
Comes a time in every non-serious student’s life when they ‘accidentally’ peep their desk mate’s work. A closer look on the answers it resembles none of their own- they realize they are wrong. Aunty, correct yourself, use the eraser, you cannot fail in the government exams and this one.
- Every class must have; a class clown
- A monitor
- Rich kids
- A cardi B
- A class clown
- Serious people
- Noise makers
- People who are always doing other things during class time i.e, reading watt pad stories, chatting on wozzap, talking, picking calls, munching tropical sweets, looking outside the window e.t.c.
Straight from the management, you should classify yourselves and rehearse you characters. A classroom is not a classroom with these characters.
- Topics to be covered
- How to write with passion even though you do not feel passionate.
- Why plan b is essential to writers. This to mean you should have a side business like kaMPESA shop, a farm (Reserved for those who have paid in full installments)
- How to write headings that will grab the attention of the readers
Before you give up hope in us, let me say that not signing up is a wrong choice. We have trained well known professionals who are now exceptional writers in all writing fields. This is the speech I hope to give 5 years after I have trained you. Am your principal Warukira wa Hinga. (Dj mix and a huge gong sound, just for dramatic effects.)
Welcome one, welcome all or tell a friend to tell a friend. I can’t decide which one to use.