Oops! I did it again.

(Cue in clapping) I admire myself and my ability to re-live situations. You would think the scars I have shoulda taught me something… well they have, and against my better judgement I find myself committing these crimes, time and again.

It’s not that I take pride in this flawed pattern of behavior, no, I actually reprimand myself. I look myself in the mirror and be like, “girl no, aim higher!”

I still get into mind tangles every time I go off the rails of my ethical guidelines. It goes something like, “Hinga, on the count of three divert from walking into the bakery. No, no, no, you said one cookie yesterday and the day before that. Stop justifying today as the last day.” Somehow still I end up buying something from the bakery.

We have all taken a plunge into something, swearing off a situation and ending right back in the middle of it. But we hope to be different tomorrow dearly wishing our uncivilized side will have departed. It doesn’t.

One process that we boldly swear off and swim right back is through – PROCRASTINATION. I have to address this because- how many times do you buff your mirror with a cloth, smile back at the person staring at you, then you outline the chores for the day only to end up doing just one thing. And that one thing is watching a complete series. Suddenly- (after one month) the class assignment is due and you ain’t written a damn thing. You haven’t even outlined the hypothesis of your topic.

What’s even worse is you procrastinate every semester for 4 years.

There is an urban saying that goes, “Borrowing money is easy but paying back is a task.” Yeah I know this one all too well. I have been on both ends- the borrower and the borrowed. Neither side of the see-saw is good, I’ll tell you that much.

You ever borrowed someone some money and they referenced you as the reason they ain’t billionaires yet. Like c’mon it was 5 minutes ago.

These comments hurt your ego and you swear you will make it in your career in about two weeks and everyone who treated you like trash is gonna regret it. Two weeks come and go… the money problems come and stay(these problems never go)…You are not yet the millionaire you’d hoped, so you have to ask for financial support again.

It is extra-hard when you have to lend money back to people who never pay back on time and require a court subpoena to give back what they owe you. Some things should be common sense. The fundamental policy of borrowing is respecting a deadline.

Street philosophers before us have written and said quotes that are world sensational. One famous word is, “Stay out of two people business.”Polemical articles by experts have been written about it. Even a 2 month old baby knows it- the last time they cried while papa and mama were fighting they did not get picked up or soothed. Everybody knows.

Not you. Something inside tells you you are a freelancer in life, you abide not to the rules. As the god/goddess of love you are, you unflinchingly dive your nose in to their distraught love affair.

One at a time, you take strolls by the park with them. Each telling you a different version of events and you advice accordingly. Months later, a story resurfaces- you were the villain trying to break them apart.

You question your involvement and vow to never be the third wheel in a partnership before. The universe honors your wish for a while then boom one of your crew’s member relationship start to fall apart, all logic warns you against engaging. Then again you can’t suppress the urge of not helping your friend, so you ask: what happened?. Three hours later you are up to date with every detail and are taking sides . Middle through the arguments, you sense it, how all this is gonna come to bite you back.

To call this insane is charitable. The hitch here is that we can’t seem to show restraint even after failing on the first lesson. In reality and imagination we repeat patterns unconsciously and they lead us back to the same loop.

To transition from this state we have to change from inside out. Observe yourself as you carry out your activities and find your triggers. Check how you spend your money , limit your expenditure that way you probably won’t need to keep borrowing funds. Stay away from things that don’t concern you and plan ahead – teach your mind and body to stick to laid activities. With time it becomes a habit.

5 thoughts on “Oops! I did it again.”

  1. Are you talking about me? Coz I swear that’s all me. I read this while am still in bed when I should have woken up 2 hrs ago, at least that’s what I planned..

  2. This is so me aki ……I swear I won’t do something and I find myself doing it over and over

  3. I think on the relationship part it’s debatable because sometimes you may notice things about your friend’s boo that are really toxic and as much as you don’t want to and should’nt interfere, it is your duty as a good friend to tell your friend the truth regardless of how they’ll take it. It’s better to do that than wait for them to break up then say “Mimi nilikuwa nishaona”.

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